(DAILY PLANET) -- Turmoil has engulfed the United Nations. The taxation of trade routes to outlying countries is in dispute.
Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to many small countries.
While the General Assembly endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, Secretary General KOFI ANNAN secretly dispatches two Jedi Knights, guardians of peace and justice, to settle the conflict.
They fail, leading to unrest in the General Assembly. Several thousand small countries declare their intention to leave the United Nations.
This separatist movment, under the leadership of the mysterious MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the world.
Secretary of State CONDOLEEZZA RICE is returning to the General Assembly to vote on the critical issue of creating a GRAND ARMY OF THE UNITED NATIONS to assist the overwhelmed Jedi.
However, Kofi Annan, mired in "baseless" allegations, is removed from power following a vote of no-confidence and is replaced by the sinister BAN KI-MOON of South Korea, who is voted emergency powers to address the current crisis.
Promising to renounce his emergency powers as soon as the crisis is resolved, Secretary General Ban immediately deploys a clone army developed by disgraced South Korean scientist HWANG WOO-SUK and dispatches them to points all over the globe.
Secretary Ban promises to stun opposition into submission with shock and awe provided by Industrial Light and Magic.
Meanwhile, CONSPIRACY THEORISTS long suspicious of the United Nations begin making preparations at their hidden rebel bases.
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES . . .
Ah, so that's where all the rest who were "a little short for a stormtrooper" ended up.
Posted by: cv | January 03, 2007 at 12:34 PM
Um. I'm truly afraid.
Speaking of which, you should see the "holiday" card I got from the ranch. Maybe I should scan it in and put it on my blog, but they have the imperial symbol over a stained glass window (from the LF Ranch).
Wild.
Posted by: Ann Margaret Lewis | January 03, 2007 at 12:35 PM
Where in the world is Dark Helmet???
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 12:36 PM
Fear not! We have engaged the contingent of menacing clones and are crushing them with our latest laser clone destructors...they are falling like parade dummies before our unrelenting onslaught...that wily curr Ki-Moon is next...on to victory!
Posted by: JEDI 1 | January 03, 2007 at 01:56 PM
Helmet: Oh no! They've jammed the radar. *tastes screen* with strawberry. I hate strawberry!
Posted by: KWS | January 03, 2007 at 02:01 PM
KWS,
It's Raspberry.
"Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!"
Posted by: Brian Day | January 03, 2007 at 02:16 PM
Jimmy,
It's not Kofi Annon. It is now Ban Ki-Moon
Mr. Ban Ki-Moon was sworn in on 14 December 2006.
Posted by: Brian Day | January 03, 2007 at 02:22 PM
Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 02:28 PM
I'm sorry, I can't hear or read the name Ban Ki-Moon without thinking immediately of Nanki-Poo, from The Mikado.
Posted by: Tim J. | January 03, 2007 at 02:29 PM
Isn't Ban Ki-Moon the name of a feminine hygiene product???
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 02:36 PM
"...GRAND ARMY OF THE UNITED NATIONS..."
Bwahaha!
Posted by: Charlie | January 03, 2007 at 02:45 PM
Brian Day:
Did you not read:
However, Kofi Annan, mired in "baseless" allegations, is removed from power following a vote of no-confidence and is replaced by the sinister BAN KI-MOON of South Korea, who is voted emergency powers to address the current crisis.
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 02:45 PM
BAN KI-MOON
"That's no Moon... that's a space station!"
Posted by: Tim J. | January 03, 2007 at 03:27 PM
You fools! That's not Ban-Ki-Moon...that's his stunt double!
Posted by: HolyDragon | January 03, 2007 at 04:58 PM
You fools! That's not Ban-Ki-Moon...that's his stunt double!
Isn't Jared a stunt double? hmmmm...
Something is fishy here...
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 05:03 PM
Of course Dark Helmet's comment about strawberries comes later in the film when he and his cronies discover Yogurt's hideout.
"Yogurt! I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries!"
Posted by: Edward | January 03, 2007 at 05:09 PM
"They must have hyper-jets on that thing!"
"And what've we got on this thing? A Cuisinart?"
Posted by: Randolph Carter | January 03, 2007 at 06:41 PM
And of course, the clone army is manufactured in Chinaosis.
Posted by: Francis DS | January 03, 2007 at 06:48 PM
Esau,
No, I did not.
Posted by: Brian Day | January 03, 2007 at 07:37 PM
Brian Day:
No biggee. God bless.
Posted by: Esau | January 03, 2007 at 07:59 PM
Ludicrous speed!!!
Oh #@$% Spaceballs, there goes the planet!
Posted by: Dr. Eric | January 03, 2007 at 08:18 PM
DoesAnyone sense a disturbance in the Force?
Posted by: patrick | January 03, 2007 at 08:23 PM
"I've got a bad feeling about this..."
Posted by: LarryD | January 04, 2007 at 04:38 AM
"ancient religions and hokey weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side kid"
Posted by: Mike | January 04, 2007 at 07:59 AM
See . . . I always thought Condoleezza was secretly a Jedi Knight.
I mean, have you ever seen her & Barriss Offee in the same place together?
(Sorry, was that too geekey?)
Posted by: Gene Branaman | January 04, 2007 at 10:49 AM
"You call that a radar?!"
"No sir, we call it Mr. Coffee. Care for some?"
Posted by: Kasia | January 04, 2007 at 02:09 PM
Jimmy, what's your conclusion? Do you see any need in principle for a global forum to address global issues? I do, but not in the form of the United Nations. We need an organization that is founded in the principle of democracy and less influenced by the dictators of the world. See what you think of this:
www.UnitedDemocraticNations.org
gary
Posted by: gary | January 21, 2007 at 09:46 AM