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October 10, 2006


Tim Ferguson

Leave the gun, take the cannoli

(That's also the title of my first encyclical, if the Cardinals are ever stupid enough to elect me)


"Do the chickens have large talons?"

sorry.... napoleon dynamite geek....


"Now there you go again with the negative waves, Moriarity. Always with the negative waves. Have a little faith, baby. Have a little faith."


"These passengers must get to a hospital!"
"What is it, doctor?!?"
"It's a building with doctors and nurses, but that's not important right now."

So simple, yet so profound....


My children want to add to your original quote:

"No more rhyming, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"


"Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase."


"A man's got to know his limitations."


"Well, which is it young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'ma gonna be in motion. You see..."


-"Are all men from the future loud mouth braggarts?"
-"Nope, just me baby. Just me."


"But dad, all my friends are going!"
"I know, son, but if all your friends were named Cliff, would you jump off them? I don't think so..."


"I'm good Wes, You're bad Wes..."


"Good, Bad, I'm the guy with the gun..."


What are your legs?
"Springs, steel springs"
What are they gonna do?
"Hurl me down the track"
How fast are ya gonna run?
"As fast as a leopard!"
Well then, lets see ya do it!


"Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?"

This one is used around the house a lot, when someone makes a completely illogical statement. (and there are a lot of those, with seven kids around)


"I'm invincible!"

"You're a loony."


But where has the rum gone?


"You see, there's a difference between like and love. I like my Sketchers, but I LOVE my Prada backpack"
-"But....I love MY Sketchers.."
"That's because you don't HAVE a Prada backpack"

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and that you can be underwhelmed...but...can you ever just be....whelmed??"
-"I think you can in Europe."


Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father prepare to die.

Count Rugen: Stop saying that!


"In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing..."

Robert Miole

"I am a leaf in the wind..."

"What does that mean?!"

Sifu Jones

"Freedom? We have it. Fame is an empty purse."


"We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts."


I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope....


- "...Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of what we had been spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a doomsday gap."

- "This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that."

- "Our source was the New York Times."


Meanwhile, the NARTH crowd now thinks slavery was good for the slaves!


Jason in SA

[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]

Bart: Stampeding cattle.
Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.
Bart: Through the Vatican?
Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinky. Sign here.


I give up ajesquire, what movie is that from?


"Asps. Very dangerous. You go first."

We used to use this a lot on the job after the movie first came out.

"Zumsing izn't right in all of zis, eh. I can feel eet een my buns."

"Your what?"

"My buns."

"Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you deedn't tell me? Where are zey? Where are ze buns?"

"Oh! No, monsieur. The BONES een my body."

*scoffs* "You should nut speak wiz an accent when you know I am so hungry!"


Whoops, last one was me.


- "Aunt Abby, how can I believe you? There are twelve bodies in the cellar and you admit you poisoned them."

- "Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib."


She turned me into a newt!

A newt?

Well, I got better.



Your last name isn't Brewster, is it?

My fave line from that movie has to be when Teddy says, "General, as president of the United States, commander-in-chief of the army and navy, and the man who gave you this job, I demand that you accompany me to inspect the canal."

Also amusing is when, later in the same speech you quoted from, Cary Grant says (of the 12 murders), "Look, what I'm trying to say is, This is developing into a very bad habit!"


Operative: Are you willing to die for that belief?

Mel: I am.

"Draws gun..bang!"

Mel: Course that ain't exactly plan A.

Kevin Cary

"Heeey you Guuuuys!"


"Baby Ruufff"


Some great quotes from some timeless movies here...

Lionel Twain: I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if you can tell me why one of the greatest minds in the world can't say his articles or prespositions. IS THE. IS THE. What IS THE meaning of this.

Sydney Wang: That what I said. What meaning of this?

Also from the same movie:

Sam Diamond: I thought Twain was an older man, say 72 or 73.

Lionel Twain: 76, to be precise. How do I stay so young? Simple: A complete vegetable diet, 12 hours sleep a night, and lots and lots of makeup.

(Even funnier if you know that Lionel Twain is played by the oh-so-masculine Truman Capote.)


Scottish Dude: I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course.

Carl: Correct me if I'm wrong, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.

Scottish Dude: Not golfers, you great fool. Gophers. The little brown furry rodents.

Carl Spackler: We can do that. We don't even need a reason.

A long-time Brazilian lurker

"I have more than two grades of laundry. There're lots of subtle levels between clean and dirty."
(Ghostbusters 2)


Stay alive! No matter what occurs! I WILL find you.

- - - - - -

I would have liked to have seen Montana.

- - - - - -

Dr. Richard Kimball: I didn't kill my wife!

Fed Marshall: (shrugs) I don't care.


"Years from now, when you talk about this -- and you will -- please be kind”

Matthew Kennel

Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?


"Listen! Do you smell something?"

Ed Peters

I'm fuzzy on the whole good-bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?

Jay E. Adrian

"A lot of people hate this hat. It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it."


Here's a fairly obscure one, but one quoted all the time (to passengers in my car):

Don't worry. I've never hit anything that was in the right place.


Do you have any hobbies?

I collect spores, molds and fungus.


Admittedly, a questionable movie but:

Julian Noble: I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.


Julian Noble: Danny, Danny! Danny with the large white fanny!


Julian Noble: An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.
Danny Wright: Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor.
Julian Noble: Huh? Yeah, I can't do that.


I could go an hour on just Mel Brooks movies, but here's a couple:

Are we awake?
We're not sure...are we...black?
Yes we are.
Then we're awake, but we're very confused.

Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!


"I'm still big, it's the pictures that got small."


When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail.


Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

Amy P.

Inocencio, you took my first choice! So I'll go with this:

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."


Now listen up, you primitive screwheads. See this? This ... is my boomstick! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?

Tim J.

These are family favorites:

"Did I make it clear your JOB is at stake?"

- Vizzini/Princess Bride

"Beware, lads!... Beware!"

"What? The one-legged man?"

"Aye! But also... beware runnin' with scissors
or any other pointy objects. It's all good fun, 'til somebody loses an - Aaiiiee!" (dies)

-Billy Bones/Muppet Treasure Island

And -

"You cheated!"


-Jack Sparrow


OK, I can't believe no one has quoted anything from Casablanca yet, so I'll do it.

Major Strasse: What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Louis: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Major Strasse: I see you left Paris at the time of the occupation.
Rick: There seems to be no secret about that.
Strasse: Were you one of those who could not bear to see Germans in your beloved Paris?
Rick: It's not particularly my beloved Paris.
Other German Dude: Can you see us in London?
Rick: When you get there, ask me.
German: How about New York?
Rick: Well, there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try and invade.


"Carpe... carpe... carpe diem... seize the day boys... make your lives extraordinary."

"I mean, if I was ever going to buy a desk set... twice! I would probably buy this one... both times! In fact, its shape is rather aerodynamic, isn't it? You can feel it. This desk set wants to fly! Todd... the world's first un-manned flying desk set!"

"Sounds to me like your daunted."



"You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."


(OK, this is really pathetic. This is one topic I feel really confident in. Theology? Heavy political topics? I put 1 toe in and then decide that the water is deep and cold. A fave movie quote contest? I'm all over that like white on rice.)

From my all time favorite actor:

You work your side of the street and I'll work mine.

Does ANYONE know what movie I'm talking about?


You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.


Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

last one, I promise!

Fr. Erik Richtsteig

Gozer: The Choice is made!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!
Gozer: The Traveller has come!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Nobody choosed anything!
[turns to Egon]
Dr. Peter Venkman: Did YOU choose anything?
Dr. Egon Spengler: No.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Winston] Did YOU?
Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.
Dr. Peter Venkman: I didn't choose anything.
[long pause, Peter, Egon and Winston all look at Ray]
Dr Ray Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped IN there.
Dr. Peter Venkman: [angrily] What? What just popped in there?
Dr Ray Stantz: I... I... I tried to think...
Dr. Egon Spengler: LOOK!
[they all look over one side of the roof]
Dr Ray Stantz: No! It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What is it?
Dr Ray Stantz: It CAN'T be!
Dr. Peter Venkman: What did you do, Ray?
Winston Zeddemore: Oh, shit!
[they all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat, Peter looks at Ray]
Dr Ray Stantz: [somberly] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.


For starters:

"But here's my advice to the rest of you: take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the cross hairs, and take them down."

or possibly

"You gotta get me one of those jumpsuits."


"Daddy, my teacher tells me everytime you hear a bell an angel gets its wings"


Carlton: For a long time it gave me nightmares... witnessing an injustice like that... it's a constant reminder of just how unfair this world can be... I can still hear them taunting him... silly rabbit, tricks are for kids... I mean, WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GIVE HIM SOME CEREAL?


Okay, so the last one came from a t.v. show, sue me! (God Bless!)

Here's an oldie but a goodie:

"You're right, I did lose a million dollars last year. I expect to lose a million dollars this year. I expect to lose a million dollars *next* year. You know, Mr. Thatcher, at the rate of a million dollars a year, I'll have to close this place in... 60 years."

and from the sublime to the slime:

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future."

David B.

"May the force be with you"

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

"I am your father."



You open it up to TV shows and I won't be able to shut up. I take back my previous, "Last one, promise" now. I mean, really, that's a whole different ball of wax...

how about (best line ever!)

As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.


Of course, there could be a whole post simply devoted to great quotes from WKRP:

You got the knife, I got the gun. C'mon boy we're gonna have a little fun.

Irritated Ohio State Trooper: I have administered this test hundreds of times. No one's reflexes ever get FASTER when they get drunk!

The tape represents where, one day, walls will be. WALLS!!!

I see it all now - the drinking, the heart problems. God wants me dead, and He's willing to burn down a whole building just to do it!

David B.

I can't believe no one has mentioned this one: "Rosebud."

These have NOTHING to do with each other.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate."

"My precious"

"Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin, and the world's ending!!!"

Harry: "We won't let you get away with this."

robber: "Who is 'we'?"

Harry: "Me, Smith, and Wesson."

Tim J.

Mary, don't forget;

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly..."


"He chose...poorly."


"I'm as happy as a tornado in a trailer park!" (My wife's favorite.)


Ok, Mary, now you've gone in and done it ;-)

"OH I love surprises it's funny that you never suspect them!"

"Eat your salad before it gets cold"

Mary Kay

"Captain Spock, you do not stand accused."

"Mr. President, I stand with my shipmates."


"Let's go home, Debbie."

Tim J.

Oops! I didn't see your first turkey reference, Mary. This thread is growing at a geometric rate.

I sometimes use this one with MY son;

"Put that on a plate, son, you'll enjoy it more."

Anyone? Anyone?


"Kirk to Spock: It's two hours."

"Spock here. Ready to beam you up."

"All right! I don't like to lose."


Tim J.,

No, that's the first one I said - it's in the previous post, the one addressed to Esau. That's one of my all-time favorites!!!



One of the best lines in Ghostbusters from Winston:

"That's a big twinkie"

And lest we forget:

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

Gene Branaman

"I don't want to be a pie . . . I don't like gravy!"

"Miss Jean Louise, Mr. Arthur Radley. I believe he already knows you."


"Peter's not king yet."


Of course, The Simpsons should get their own thread, but, in light of the election in a few weeks,

Kang and Kodos: It's a 2 party system! Are you going to throw your vote away?

Homer: As long as you're in my house, you'll do things my way, so butter your bacon!

Bart: In art class today, we drew pictures of Joan of Arc burning at the stake, and mine was the goriest. Catholics rock!

And, my favorite character, Mr. Burns, "Excellent..." (which I say all the time)

Which brings me back to the movies and another line I say all the time, "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!" (When I do it, I sound and look just like her, except not green. It's pretty creepy, actually.)

Tim J.

"I don't want to be a pie . . . I don't like gravy!"

LOVE Chicken Run!


So no one can answer my challenge? C'mon guys, it's a classic line from a classic guy movie.

You work your side of the street, and I'll work mine.

Hint: Clint Eastwood was NOT in this movie.


"What we got heah is failya to communicate."

Mary Kay

"You can not pass. I am a Servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You...shall...not..pass."


"That's my family Kay. It's not me"


"Ahhh, a red snapper. Mmmmm, very tasty. Okay, Weaver, listen carefully. You can hold on to your red snapper... or you can go for what's in the box that Hiro-San is bringing down the aisle right now! What's it gonna be?"

"I'll take the box. The box!"

"You took the box? Let's see what's in the box! ... Nothing! Absolutely nothing! STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!"

John E

Bob Porter: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter Gibbons: "Well, I wouldn't exactly say I've been *missing* it, Bob."

Tim J.

Butch: I think we lost 'em. Do you think we lost 'em?

Sundance: No.

Butch: Neither do I.


A quote I use on the golf course when a friend hits a putt or chip way past the hole: "Think you used enough dynamite there, Butch?"


Mary, could it be Bullit?


Also Mary, the turkey quote from WKRP is one of my all-time fav's. I'm from Cincy and when I was in the Army, I got hit with a lot of WKRP references...


- "It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause."

- "You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Claus!"

Ann Margaret Lewis

Someone already said:

"What we have here is a failure to communicate."

But they didn't get the complete line. From Cool Hand Luke:

"What we've got here...is a failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men." - Captain, Road Prison 36

I loved that movie.

And...from Patton:

"Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country...I don’t want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We’re not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we’re not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're gonna go through him like crap through a goose."

My apologies for the general's course language.


Judge Roy Bean:I understand you have taken exception to my calling you whores. I'm sorry. I apologize. I ask you to note that I did not call you callous-a$$ strumpets, fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts. But I did say "whores." No escaping that. And for that slip of the tongue, I apologize.

Sorry if thet is too crass fro this blog, but it is very funny


- "Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth."

- "I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth."

David B.

"But Rhett, where will I go, what shall I do, what's to become of me?"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."


"POWER, Uuuuuuuunnnnnnnnlimited POWER!!!!!!"

"I have a Baaaaaaad feeling about this."

And this one for the way it was delivered:

"My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Count."


"And gentlemen of England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and count their manhoods cheap, while any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day!!!!"


"You fell for that like an egg from a tall chicken."

momof6 - loved the quote from Raising Arizona!


I was the last one left after the nuclear holocaust, eh. The whole world had been destroyed, like U.S. blew up Russia and Russia blew up U.S. Fortunately, I had been offworld at the time. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.


- "So, now you give the Devil the benefit of law!"

- "Yes! What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil?"

- "Yes, I'd cut down every law in England to do that!"

- "Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned 'round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? This country is planted thick with laws, from coast to coast, Man's laws, not God's! And if you cut them down, and you're just the man to do it, do you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake!"

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