April 11, 2008
The Final Cylon . . . Exposed?
(Jimmy Akin)
TWELVE CYLON MODELS.
SEVEN ARE KNOWN.
FOUR LIVE IN SECRET.
ONE WILL BE REVEALED.
.
.
.
Okay, yeah. The evidence is pretty overwhelming.
.
.
.
John McCain is a Cylon.
C
CHT: Chris Palmer (via Tigerhawk (via Instapundit))
BTW, new BSG tonight.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (16)
February 08, 2008
Global Warming To Increase Zombie Attacks!
(Jimmy Akin)
William M. Briggs reports:
A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”
On the other hand, one of Briggs' commenters suggests that this may be a self-correcting phenomenon:
The good news is that zombies have a significantly lower carbon footprint than living humans. For example, if Al Gore became Zombie Al Gore his utility usage and air travel would go from several hundred tonnes of carbon per year to zero tonnes of carbon per year. . . .
Generalize these figures across the population and we can see an inverse relationship between zombie attacks and carbon emissions leading in time to a reduction or reversal of warming trends and consequently of favorable zombie habitat. A new stable state might be brought about within a matter of decades provided zombie outbreaks can be encouraged in heavy emitting states including mainland China.
Meanwhile, Transterrestrial Musings suggests that the real cause of global warming is the sun and that changes in the sun's activity will actually lead to a decrease in zombie attacks, stating:
Take that, undead!
Zombies and vampires. Is there any problem the sun can't fix?
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (43)
August 27, 2007
Why God Created eBay . . .
(Jimmy Akin)
From a recently-ended eBay auction (CHT to the reader who e-mailed!):
LOT OF POKEMON CARDS THAT MY KIDS TRIED TO SNEAK BY ME
Description:I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.
You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.
“The Lecture“ goes like this…
MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”
KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“
MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”
OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.
Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.
At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!
“Oh my, you have your hands full.”
“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.
We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”
I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”
“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”
With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.
A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”
Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”
OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.
“Can we get donuts?”
“No.”
“Can we get cupcakes?”
“No.”
“Can we get muffins?”
“No.”
“Can we get pie?”
“No.”
You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.
In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.
In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”
I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”
(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)
Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.
Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.
As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?
The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.
Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.
As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”
Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”
So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.
Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)
The cards eventually sold for $142.51. The auction received 180,000 views.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (44)
August 03, 2007
Cthulhu On The Move
(Jimmy Akin)
CHTs to the readers who sent links to the following . . .
First, there's an origami version of Cthulhu:
As an evil elder being, Cthulhu has a great deal of vanity, so it's no surprise that he's into vanity plates:
I don't think I want to know what "Kids First" means in this context.
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July 17, 2007
Mmmmm-mmmmmm. Giant Donut.
(Jimmy Akin)
So the marketers for the upcoming Simpsons Movie have painted a 180-foot tall Homer Simpson next to the Cerne Abbas Giant.
I think it's hilarious.
The local pagans, however, are annoyed, as they consider the giant (a) sacred or something like that and (b) a fertility symbol dating from ancient times.
In reality, it was made in the 17th century and may be a lampoon on Oliver Cromwell depicted as a naked Hercules.
In other words, it's one more phony claim of a pagan survival in Britain. Y'know, like Wicca and stuff.
I'm just sayin'.
GET THE STORY. (WARNING: Story discusses the fact that the giant is anatomically correct and has images of such.)
MORE ON THE CERNE ABBAS GIANT. (WARNING: Article discusses the fact that the giant is anatomically correct and has images of such.)
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July 13, 2007
Samson the Big Black Dog (And Friends)
(Jimmy Akin)
If you're of the right age, you likely read Clifford the Big Red Dog at some point growing up (as I did). Well, Samson isn't as big as Clifford, but he'll most definitely do!
He lives in the U.K. and stands 6' 5" on his hind legs.
PHOTO:
Samson isn't the only giant creature making the news at the moment. There's also a giant mushroom in Mexico:
It's 27 inches tall and weighs 41 lbs.
Meanwhile, there's a giant squid in Australia:
It was originally 26 feet long and weighed 550 lbs (they think).
Meanwhile, at the other end of the size spectrum (and bringing us full circle back to dogs), one of the world's smallest dogs has been voted its ugliest.
See for yourself:
His name is Elwood, and his owner has a high opinion of him (EXCERPTS):
"I think he's the cutest thing that ever lived," said Elwood's owner, Karen Quigley, a resident of Sewell, New Jersey.
Quigley said she rescued Elwood two years ago. "The breeder was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell," said Quigley.
"So ha ha, now Elwood's all over the Internet and people love him and adore him."
Now there's a pro-life sentiment for you.
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July 05, 2007
The Girl Who Cried Wolf
(Jimmy Akin)
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June 28, 2007
Easy . . . Easy . . . There!
(Jimmy Akin)
Newsflash!
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has been straightened!
It's true!
And not by the Evil Superman from Superman III!
Of course, they didn't straighten it all the way, but they returned it to the angle it was leaning at in 1838.
Why?
EXCERPT:
[British rescue committee engineering] Prof Burland said it could have collapsed "at any moment". However, it took nine years of bureaucratic wrangling before any work was done. "That was the difficult bit, getting the work going," Prof Burland said.
Yeah, big surprise on that last part. Italy.
Oh, and the Italian estimate of when it would have collapsed differed:
"If we had not stepped in the tower would have collapsed between 2030 and 2040," said Salvatore Settis, the president of the committee. "This is crucial for the tower's stability and it was a totally Italian success."
Uhh . . . except for that British guy who worked on the project.
Oh, and there was a particularly tense moment:
Before the digging started, the tower was anchored with steel cables and 600 tonnes of lead weights.
However, halfway through the project, concerns at the ugliness of the weights led to their removal and the tower lurched dramatically. "In one night, the tower moved more than it had averaged in an entire year," said Prof Burland. The weights were hastily reattached.
Good idea!
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June 08, 2007
Too Funny!
(Jimmy Akin)
Snopes says that they called the Orange County Sheriff's Department, which confirmed that this was a real phone call they received (they're still listing it as of "undetermined" veracity, though, since they don't know if the woman placing the call was hoaxing the police department or not). They also state:
Anyone who has worked a police or emergency services dispatch line can attest that some callers just don't seem to have a very good grasp of what kinds of situations constitute valid emergencies, or even what sort of problems fall within the purview of law enforcement or emergency rescue services. People call 911 for assistance in such matters as needing help with homework, clogged toilets, and non-functioning smoke detectors, to try to find out the latest sports scores and lottery results, to report broken televisions and cable outages, to seek assistance in locating lost pets, and to report all sorts of minor medical ailments.
HERE'S THE SNOPES PIECE (with transcript for those who have audio problems).
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May 19, 2007
I Have No Clue
(Jimmy Akin)
Your guess is as good as mine, folks!
Soggy dorito?
Melancholy inhabitant of Flatland?
Steamrollered cheese wedge?
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May 18, 2007
The Coming of the White Worm
(Jimmy Akin)
I think this one's actually supposed to be a swan, but I can't help thinking of that Clark Ashton Smith story The Coming of the White Worm. . . .
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May 17, 2007
Burn Victim Towel Animal Update
(Jimmy Akin)
Well, the burn victim towel animals have continued to appear in my cabin.
Below is a recent one, which is obviously a dog.
The folks who guessed a penguin for the first one were correct. At least that's what the cabin steward said it was.
One reader suggested a snow covered penguin, but I think there's more to it than that. It was not only jet white, it also had no eyes.
Can you think of any albino, eyeless penguins?
I can.
According to H. P. Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness . . .
Suddenly a bulky white shape loomed up ahead of us, and we flashed on the second torch. It is odd how wholly this new quest had turned our minds from earlier fears of what might lurk near. Those other ones, having left their supplies in the great circular place, must have planned to return after their scouting trip toward or into the abyss; yet we had now discarded all caution concerning them as completely as if they had never existed. This white, waddling thing was fully six feet high, yet we seemed to realize at once that it was not one of those others. They were larger and dark, and, according to the sculptures, their motion over land surfaces was a swift, assured matter despite the queerness of their sea-born tentacle equipment. But to say that the white thing did not profoundly frighten us would be vain. We were indeed clutched for an instant by primitive dread almost sharper than the worst of our reasoned fears regarding those others. Then came a flash of anticlimax as the white shape sidled into a lateral archway to our left to join two others of its kind which had summoned it in raucous tones. For it was only a penguin - albeit of a huge, unknown species larger than the greatest of the known king penguins, and monstrous in its combined albinism and virtual eyelessness.
When we had followed the thing into the archway and turned both our torches on the indifferent and unheeding group of three, we saw that they were all eyeless albinos of the same unknown and gigantic species. Their size reminded us of some of the archaic penguins depicted in the Old Ones’ sculptures, and it did not take us long to conclude that they were descended from the same stock-undoubtedly surviving through a retreat to some warmer inner region whose perpetual blackness had destroyed their pigmentation and atrophied their eyes to mere useless slits.
The one in my room must have been a baby.
I'll keep an eye out for shoggoths oozing out from under my bed.
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May 11, 2007
March Of The Burn Victim Towel Animals--Parte Deux
(Jimmy Akin)
A time or two when I was on the Catholic Answers cruise, I found a mysterious line of animals appearing in my room after dinner that appeared to be burn victims made out of towels.
It wasn't always clear what the animals were meant to be, but I BLOGGED ABOUT IT, and folks had fun guessing what some animals were.
I'd completely forgotten about this, but tonight this little critter showed up in my bedroom . . .
What is it?
I actually know what it's supposed to be. (The cabin steward told me.)
I'll answer tomorrow (assuming I'm able to log in tomorrow).
Till then, have fun guessing!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (71)
April 26, 2007
What's This?
(Jimmy Akin)
It's something you've probably seen before.
Don't recognize it?
Try whipping on a pair of red-and-blue 3-D glasses, since this is a 3-D photo of it.
Don't have any handy?
Me, either.
Try letting your vision fuzz over and see if it's familiar.
Still need help?
It's the face on Mars, and was NASA's Astronomy Photo of the Day recently (CHT to the reader who e-mailed!)
And it does look like a face to me.
But not a human one. To tell you the truth, it looks like the face of a pet turtle I used to have when I was a boy.
See? It eyes are under the kind of protuberances that turtles have, and it's got its beak-like mouth open, and he's just coming out of his shell.
Like in this picture . . .
You don't suppose that means . . . ?
And then the flying saucers would be . . . ?
GAMERA! Friend of All Children!
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March 30, 2007
I Just Love This Story
(Jimmy Akin)
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March 09, 2007
The International Friendship Song!
(Jimmy Akin)
Yesterday I mentioned an International Friendship Dance that I attended, so CHT to SDG for bringing to mind the International Friendship Song . . .
WHAT IS DER SCHNITZELBANK, ANYWAY?
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March 08, 2007
And Then There Were Five!
(Jimmy Akin)
This man definitely deserves his props for trying to top Chris Bliss!
Jason Garfield's performance is very impressive! So much so that it raised in my mind the question of which of the two was better, and I thought I'd throw the question open to y'all for debate.
Here are some of the considerations that occurred to me:
1) The addition of more balls or higher energy performing does not automatically make the performance better or more beautiful. Sometimes less is more, as they say.
2) Bliss also deserves credit for the originality of coming up with the idea of using Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End (assuming it was his idea), and Garfield's performance at times seems to be derivative of Bliss's (particular in The End).
3) On the other hand, his performance is really impressive and he pulls off some surprising moves that Bliss doesn't attempt.
It could be that one performance could be judged the better according to one standard and the other the better according to a different standard (e.g, which is the more beautiful, the more original, the more dazzling, the more energetic).
So whadda y'all think? You know what they say: De gustibus disputandum est!
Oh, and once again, we have further proof of the amazing difference between homo sapiens and every other species on earth.
WE'RE #1! . . . WE'RE #1! . . . WE'RE #1!
CHT to the reader who e-mailed (e-mail being yet another human accomplishment).
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And Then There Were Two
(Jimmy Akin)
Recently I did a post about square dance "dangles" and how I had just received my first one.
For those who may not have seen that post, dangles are small items hung from a dancer's nametag that signify various things, such as offices the person holds or has held, special dances that the person has attended, or just things that the person finds fun. The latter are known as "fun dangles."
Sometimes pins are used for the same purpose, and I recently received a pin (pictured), which now also adorns the vest I wear when I'm dancing.
The occasion on which I received it was a recent International Friendship Dance that was held here in San Diego between local American dancers and a group of dancers from Japan.
Some of the Japanese dancers were giving out pins to commemorate the event, and I was lucky enough to receive one. The pin has two flags on it, one of which says (in Japanese) "Nippon," which is the Japanese word for Japan, and the other of which is the Japanese national flag.
It was a very well attended dance. We had almost fifty squares (a square is eight people) crammed into the auditorium. The room was so packed that squares were jammed right up against each other, and there were even squares dancing in the foyer to relieve a bit of the pressure.
Most of the dancers, of course, were Americans, but at least three squares were visitors from Japan. The local Japanese dancers who live in San Diego (there are several) were also there, and it was nice seeing them serving as a bridge between the two dance communities.
Most of the dancers didn't speak each others' languages, but some did, and I got a chance to practice a little of my Japanese (which is very rudimentary), saying "Kon ban wa" ("Good evening") and "Sumimasen" ("Excuse me") and things like that, to the delight of the Japanese folks I was dancing with.
There were three callers at the event, all of them with international reputations: Ken Bower of California, Bob Baier of Texas, and Mac O'Jima of Japan.
Before the dance I was curious to see how well the two groups would be able to dance together. I knew that when Modern Western Square Dancing is done in other countries (and it's done in quite a number of them!) it's always called in English, so in theory the two groups should be able to dance together, but one can never be certain.
It turned out that everything worked just fine. The Japanese dancers had no problem following calls from the American callers, and Mr. O'Jima's English was exceptionally good. He had a little L/R blur in his accent (to be expected since Japanese doesn't have the distinction, just like English doesn't distinguish between two P sounds that--say--Hindi does), and I noticed he had a little singular/plural issue since Japanese doesn't inflect words for this either (thus he'd say "Join all your hand and circle to the left" instead of "Join all your hands and circle to the left"), but his English--including his accent--was really, really good. At times, his accent sounded a bit Scottish to me, and I wondered if his English teacher was from Scotland or somewhere in the British commonwealth.
Mr. O'Jima also complimented my pronunciation of Japanese, FWIW.
All three of three of the callers were outstanding. Ken Bower and Bob Baier related a story about when the two of them had visited Japan for a friendship dance over there, and some confusion had arisen over Ken's name. At one point (if I have this right), someone said "Kon ban wa" to Bob Baier, who misheard and replied, "Ken Bower? Oh, he's not here right now." (I got a real kick out of that since I'd been saying kon ban wa to people all evening, and the similarity had never occurred to me.)
BTW, here's a YouTube with Ken Bower (who is a super nice guy) being interviewed about the dance:
So that's the story of how I got my second square dance dangle/pin/thingie.
(Incidentally, the hearts you see on the vest were temporary stickers from a recent Valentines Day dance around the same time, where there was a "king of hearts" competition in which the lady dancers awarded them to the male dancers of their choice. I got four. The winner got six, if I'm not mistaken.)
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March 07, 2007
Showmanship!
(Jimmy Akin)
It's not the number of balls the juggler uses; it's the way he uses them.
Just goes to show what you can do with three tennis balls and probably the best music the Beatles ever wrote.
It also goes to show the difference between humans and every other life form on earth. Only we could do anything even remotely like this.
CHT to the reader who e-mailed!
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February 19, 2007
Coping With New Technology
(Jimmy Akin)
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February 13, 2007
Seen Any Sasquatch?
(Jimmy Akin)
A reader writes:
Stumbled across this site thought you would be interested given your past posts
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February 06, 2007
Looks Like The Folks At Chrysler Have It Under Control, Too
(Jimmy Akin)
MORE.
(CHT to the comboxer who provided the link!)
BTW, folks who can't see these YouTube videos need the Macromedia Flash 7 plugin.
Now if only YouTube would begin streaming its videos with properly encabulated transmissive push technology. That would solve everyone's problems!
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February 02, 2007
Sounds Like The Folks At Rockwell Have Everything Under Control
(Jimmy Akin)
Now I know what's been missing from my life ever since Star Trek Voyager went off the air.
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January 23, 2007
The Times They Are A-Changin'
(Jimmy Akin)
A reader writes:
I swung by the post office the other day with a few of the kids in the car, including one age 12. While we were pulling in, she bought up an urban legend she’d read, about people getting roach eggs embedded in their tongues from licking postage stamps.
“But, Mom,” she said, “Why on earth would anyone ever lick a stamp???”
Do you feel old?
I first recognized the disconnect between me and "the younger folks" when I was in my mid 20s and was teaching a Bible study for teenagers, and I needed an example of a really, truly, obviously crazy person and cited Charles Manson.
None of them knew who he was.
When did you realize it? (If you have.)
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January 03, 2007
Attack Of The United Nations!
(Jimmy Akin)
(DAILY PLANET) -- Turmoil has engulfed the United Nations. The taxation of trade routes to outlying countries is in dispute.
Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to many small countries.
While the General Assembly endlessly debates this alarming chain of events, Secretary General KOFI ANNAN secretly dispatches two Jedi Knights, guardians of peace and justice, to settle the conflict.
They fail, leading to unrest in the General Assembly. Several thousand small countries declare their intention to leave the United Nations.
This separatist movment, under the leadership of the mysterious MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD, has made it difficult for the limited number of Jedi Knights to maintain peace and order in the world.
Secretary of State CONDOLEEZZA RICE is returning to the General Assembly to vote on the critical issue of creating a GRAND ARMY OF THE UNITED NATIONS to assist the overwhelmed Jedi.
However, Kofi Annan, mired in "baseless" allegations, is removed from power following a vote of no-confidence and is replaced by the sinister BAN KI-MOON of South Korea, who is voted emergency powers to address the current crisis.
Promising to renounce his emergency powers as soon as the crisis is resolved, Secretary General Ban immediately deploys a clone army developed by disgraced South Korean scientist HWANG WOO-SUK and dispatches them to points all over the globe.
Secretary Ban promises to stun opposition into submission with shock and awe provided by Industrial Light and Magic.
Meanwhile, CONSPIRACY THEORISTS long suspicious of the United Nations begin making preparations at their hidden rebel bases.
AND THE SAGA CONTINUES . . .
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (27)
December 22, 2006
Bible Scholar of the Year
(Tim Jones)
Daily Planet religion correspondent Media Halfways reports that Nilsson Publishers (A division of Nilsson/Schmilsson, a subsidiary of Rambling House) has announced the publication of a special edition of the Holy Bible that takes the inspiration for its cover from a recent issue of Time magazine.
The special Sola Scriptura edition features a mirror (made of lightweight reflective Mylar) affixed on the front cover, above the words "Bible Scholar of the Year".
Nilsson Publishers' CEO Miles Blandish told the Daily Planet "This is part of an ongoing effort to give the Holy Scriptures new relevance by presenting them in a hip, culturally aware way that grabs the attention of the public. We realize that part of our mission is to stay current, to keep up with trends... to be phat and dope and poppin' fresh.".
Time magazine recently revealed their "Man of the Year" issue for 2006, with a mirrored cover that reflects the reader's face. Blandish admitted "Frankly, we were a little embarrassed that we hadn't thought of this before. It fits in so well with the idea of Sola Scriptura... what we are saying with this cover is; Who should you really count on to interpret the Bible? The answer? It's right there on the cover!... You! Why rely on someone else who might have it all wrong, when you can get it straight from the horse's mouth?... so to speak.".
Nilsson publishes mainly for the Evangelical Christian market. Evangelical Protestants believe that the Scriptures alone are sufficient to answer any question of faith, and that any sincere believer can understand the Bible with the help of the Holy Spirit.
So, what does the Bible mean?... "Whoa, whoa!" Blandish answers when asked about the meaning of Scripture "... that's not for me to say... you have to decide for yourself. The question is, what does it mean... to you?".
The Sola Scriptura edition is available at bookstores, or on the Nilsson/Schmilsson website, for the cost of one million Quatloos (hardback).
Posted by Tim Jones in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (218)
December 21, 2006
Most Interesting Mash-Up I've Seen Recently
(Jimmy Akin)
Famed Mississippi author William Faulkner may have won the nobel prize in literature for his novels, but he also worked as a script-writer for Hollywood.
In fact, he penned the screen adaptation of Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep, which is one of my favorite movies (as confusing as it is; I like the fact that the DVD has the uncut, unreleased, less-confusing version as well as the theatrical one).
The Big Sleep is film noir, so it's dark and moody, but Faulkner also liked comedy. His favorite TV show toward the end of his life, apparently, was Car 54 Where Are You?
So what if Faulkner had tried his hand writing comedy for Hollywood? . . . like maybe the Three Stooges?
THE RESULT MAY HAVE BEEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
The link is to the story that won this year's Faux Faulkner contest.
Screenwriter David Sheffield won this year’s Faux Faulkner contest by imagining what it would’ve been like if William Faulkner — a Nobel laureate known for thickets of challenging (often parenthetical) prose — had written for the Three Stooges.
Faulkner’s niece, Dean Faulkner Wells, who has coordinated the parody contest for 15 years with her husband, Larry, said Sheffield’s script clearly stood out.
“What I cannot believe, from the hundreds and hundreds of entries we read, is that there could be something this fresh and this new and this funny,” she said. “This one was unique.”
Larry Wells thought “Pappy” would’ve liked seeing his highbrow style superimposed on the lowbrow Stooges.
MORE.
CHT: Southern Appeal.
ABOUT WILLIAM FAULKNER.
ABOUT THE THREE STOOGES.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (11)
December 15, 2006
"From A Certain Point Of View"
(Jimmy Akin)
Obi-Wan Kenobi once explained to Luke Skywalker that "many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." What he meant was that the flat-out falsehood he had told Luke could actually be seen as a truth if looked at "from a certain point of view."
The same principle holds true in other areas of life.
So let's look at some visual falsehoods generated by looking at things "from a certain point of view."
CHT to the reader who e-mailed!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (55)
December 12, 2006
Egyptian Conservationists Fight To Protect Dwindling Mummy Population
(Jimmy Akin)
From The Onion (yes! apparently they do manage to write something clean once in a while!) . . .
CAIRO—As the sun sets over Cairo, the streets are eerily quiet. Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt's indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate. If nothing is done, experts say, the Egyptian mummy will soon go the way of the Bavarian lycanthrope or the Transylvanian vampire, and vanish forever.
Afterlife Preservation Society president James Amarcas said he can recall a time when Egyptians did not have to go to a museum, but could look out their window and see an entire herd of shroud-wrapped forms staggering on missions of revenge.
"My grandchildren have still never seen a mummy," said Amarcas, who vividly recalls his first mummy sighting in 1947, when he was just 3 years old. "These terrible monsters are little more than a legend to them. It's sad to think they might never see the bloodthirsty march of an undead Egyptian prince on a cool, calm night."
GET THE (HEARTBREAKING) STORY!
Somebody call Zahi Hawass!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (19)
December 05, 2006
Funny error message
(SDG)
I'd like to commend the thoughtful, fun-loving programmers at Overstock.com for offering a permalink to their general site error message, as it's funny enough to be worth sharing.
Posted by SDG in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (11)
December 04, 2006
Rube Goldberg's Amazing Mechanical Band
(Jimmy Akin)
There's an urban legend that the machine depicted in this video is (a) real and (b) made largely of John Deere tractor parts and (c) now donated to the Smithsonian Institution. That's not true. In reality, it's a clip of a CGI vid that has been relabeled as part of the hoax. I just think it's neat, though--and the building of this thing even virtually is pretty amazing in itself.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (8)
November 30, 2006
Handy Latin Phrases
(Jimmy Akin)
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity.
Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
Look at the time! My wife will kill me!
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.
Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam posit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
(At a barbeque) Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?
Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.
Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you're over-educated
Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog.
Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!
Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.
Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn't rhyme.
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don't care. If it doesn't have meter, it isn't a poem.
Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.
Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!
Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.
Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!
Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!
Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!
Radix lecti
Couch potato
Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home.
Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.
Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.
Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.
Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!
Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!
Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!
Nihil est--in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That's nothing--in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.
Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.
Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.
Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.
Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let's all wear mood rings!
Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.
CHT to the reader who e-mailed! Let the Latin nitpicking begin!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (74)
November 24, 2006
What If . . .
(Jimmy Akin)
. . . STAN LEE'S PARTNER WAS JACK CHICK INSTEAD OF JACK KIRBY?
CHT to the reader who e-mailed!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (8)
November 17, 2006
Batman And Robin Arrest Criminal In England!
(Jimmy Akin)
It's true!
The caped crusader and his sidekick arrested a suspected drug offender in Weymouth, Dorset.
THE STORY:
To the Batcave … Er … to Jail
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
FOX NEWS
What do you do if a couple of tipsy grown men in capes and skivvies show up at your door looking for a party?
If you're a suspected drug offender and you happen to live in the U.K, you may as well just surrender, 'cause you've just been foiled by the Dynamic Duo. Seriously.
Two policemen dressed as Batman and Robin teamed up to conduct a sting operation of superheroic proportions in Weymouth, Dorset, The Daily Mail reports.
Apparently the pair pretended to be a couple of inebriated idiots looking for a costume party and knocked on the door of the suspect's home.
When the occupants of the house saw the drunken duo and refused to answer, Batman and Robin made their way to the rear of the house, and seven uniformed officers came to the front door.
Thinking the cops were there to help, the occupants let them in to complain about the caped crusaders.
When the suspect got a sneaking suspicion that something was fishy, he bolted for the back door and was personally busted by Batman and his buddy.
"This was my first costumed acting experience," Sgt. Tony Smith said. "The Batman costume was quite comfortable and not too restricting. But it was difficult finding somewhere to put my CS spray. There was nowhere for the handcuffs, but then Batman does not need handcuffs."
The suspect was arrested and charged with a drug offense.
Thanks to Out There readers Marc B. and Chris T.
SOURCE.
(CHT to the reader who e-mailed!)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (10)
November 13, 2006
At The Movies
(Jimmy Akin)
A while back I told everyone about A FEEL-GOOD FILM FOR TH WHOLE FAMILY (whose trailer is now on YouTube).
Now I'd like to let you know about what looks to be a chilling thriller of the first rank . . .
(CHT: Southern Appeal.)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (20)
Pope Warns Aliens Could Attack At Any Time!
(Jimmy Akin)
IT'S TRUE!!!
Okay, not Pope Benedict, but Nick Pope, former head of the UK's Ministry of Defense's project to investigate UFOs.
During his time as head of the Ministry of Defence UFO project, Nick Pope was persuaded into believing that other lifeforms may visit Earth and, more specifically, Britain.
His concern is that "highly credible" sightings are simply dismissed.
And he complains that the project he once ran is now "virtually closed" down, leaving the country "wide open" to aliens.
Mr Pope decided to speak out about his worries after resigning from his post at the Directorate of Defence Security at the MoD this week.
"The consequences of getting this one wrong could be huge," he said.
"If you reported a UFO sighting now, I am absolutely sure that you would just get back a standard letter telling you not to worry. ''Frankly we are wide open - if something does not behave like a conventional aircraft now, it will be ignored.
"The X-Files have been closed down."
Well . . . if aliens do attack, there's only one thing to do,
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (51)
November 10, 2006
UNMITIGATED GEEKY COOLNESS!!!
(Jimmy Akin)
Something positive to end the week on.
A ten-gallon CHT to the reader who e-mailed!
How this works. (Maybe.)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (41)
November 07, 2006
A Little Humor For Election Day
(Jimmy Akin)
CHT to the reader who e-mailed!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (15)
November 03, 2006
Secret Chinese Weather Manipulation Program Uncovered!
(Jimmy Akin)
Beijing (DAILY PLANET) -- Western diplomats were shocked when photographic proof emerged of the secret Chinese weather manipulation program.
As part of the new Cold War, Chinese officials have circumvented the technological gap by ordering their population of one billion to line the Great Wall and manipulate global weather patterns by waving fans in unison and generating powerful winds.
"It's staggering that they could think they could get away with something like this," said Wink Blinkley of the State Department. "This is a clear act of hostility, and we have strongly protested this action of the Chinese government. Next week we will be introducing a U.N. Security Council resolution dealing with this alarming turn of events."
Climate experts said that the Chinese weather manipulation effort could harm crops in various countries--particularly China's competitors in population-heavy Southeast Asia--disrupting food supplies and economies.
"It could go even further than that," said author Michael Crichton. "This may well be responsible for the phenomenon of global warming. The Chinese may have been playing the West for suckers by redirecting warm air currents, trying to hobble our own economies by forcing us to take draconian steps in dealing with a phenomenon that has been a hoax all along, giving them time to catch up to the West in economic development."
Tensions between Washington and Beijing have spiked since the photographic evidence of the Chinese program emerged. Speaking on background, officials in the White House compared its potential significance to that of the Cuban Missle Crisis, which occurred in the 1960s when a U.S. spy plane provided photographic evidence that the Soviet Union was basing strategic missles in Cuba.
"We sincerely hope that 'Operation Red Fan' will not lead to that kind of confrontation between superpowers," said one official.
Developments in technology since the 1960s played a role in uncovering the secret Chinese program. Evidence of Operation Red Fan (which in Mandarin can also mean "Operation Hot Wind") was not collected by a spy plane but by a tourist with a cell phone camera.
"I can't give any details on precisely how this photo arrived in our hands," said Blinkley, "but let's just say that the photo has touched off a crisis that is Cingular in the history of Sino-American relations."
GET THE STORY.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (25)
November 02, 2006
Number Six Takes His Children To The Beach
(Jimmy Akin)
Be seeing you!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (27)
October 31, 2006
The Virtual Jack O'Lantern
(Jimmy Akin)
The wonders of the digital age!
Pumpkin carving without all the mess and seeds and stuff!
CARVE YOURS TODAY!
(CHT to the reader who e-mailed.)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (7)
October 30, 2006
Sugoi!
(Jimmy Akin)
We recently had one video about magic tricks involving clothese, so here's another . . . this time from Japan.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (5)
October 24, 2006
Out Of The Mouths Of Babes
(Jimmy Akin)
(CHT to the readers who e-mailed!)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (18)
Current Events As Lord Of The Rings
(Jimmy Akin)
Stephen Colbert explands on Sen. Rick Santorum's recent LOTR:War on Terror analogy and, undoubtedly, wins a few votes for Santorum from LOTR fans.
(CHT: The Corner.)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (46)
October 17, 2006
Clothes For Every Occasion!
(Jimmy Akin)
If you study this video closely, you can tell how they're doing what they're doing (or a good bit of it., anyway), but this is a really impressive performance that keeps getting more impressive as it goes.
Enjoy!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (20)
October 05, 2006
I Spy With My Sky-High Eye . . .
(Jimmy Akin)
. . . a bunch of camels walking in the desert!
This picture was taken directly above a bunch of camels walking in the desert in Turkey.
But wait! If it's taken from a perspective above the camels then why do the silhouettes look like we're viewing them edge-on? Is this like one of those scenes in 50's B-movies where ground-level stock footage is wrongly used to simulate what you'd see from an airplane?
Nope.
Look closely.
(CHT to the readers who e-mailed!)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (18)
October 03, 2006
King Of All Londinium
(Jimmy Akin)
Photoshopmania continues with this entry from a reader who was reflecting on my desire to be King of All Londinium:
(SHT to the reader who e-mailed!)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (42)
October 02, 2006
What I Want To Know Is . . .
(Jimmy Akin)
. . . why was a local pharmacy displaying a life-size (indeed, bigger-than-life) Halloween decoration of Pope Benedict dressed as a Mad Scientist?
I mean, I came in, and there it was!
The decoration (as you can see from the boxes in the foreground) stands six feet tall, which is actually taller than Pope Benedict is, if I am not mistaken, so the decoration is actually larger than the pope, presumably to create a more intimidating impression of him.
Oh, I know, they don't acknowledge that it's the pope. They call him "Doctor Shivers," but they're not foolin' me!
Just look at this face!
You see!
It's gotta be some twisted version of the pope.
Just gotta be.
He's even dressed in white.
Worse, according to the web site of the company that makes the decoration,
this realistic, 6 foot sound and motion-activated mad scientist talks, moves his head, and holds a glowing, bubbling potion. His eyes light up and his mouth moves as he talks. AC adapter included.
And is the mad scientist gear some kind of statement about the pope's fictitious "Nazi past"?
I'm writing all this tongue-in-cheek, of course (though I wouldn't put it past a secular company of people who make Halloween decorations to pattern a mad scientist after the pope).
I am strongly tempted at this point to insert a joke about having a "Day of Rage" against the toy company and . . . and . . . burning its effigies in effigy! I'd load in as many references to recent to the recent tantrum that the Arab street threw, but it might not be entirely clear to the company (or its lawyers) that the references were all a joke and not meant as real incitements to violence . . . so I'll refrain.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (15)
September 29, 2006
What's This?
(Jimmy Akin)
It's a bird dog, of course!
It's also one of the entries into a Worth1000.com context. Worth1000 is a site that runs contests for people who are proficient with Photoshop. I've run some posts on them before, but just recently a reader kindly sent me a link to some amazing pictures from a contest involving photoshopped hybrid animals like the one above. (CHT!)
Some of the pix are quite striking, so . . .
CHECK 'EM OUT.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (30)
September 22, 2006
Hello Cthulhu
(Jimmy Akin)
Michelle recently posted the "Hello Vader" photo caption, and what it immediately brought to mind for me was another Hello Kitty parody, the webcomic Hello Cthulhu. Unfortunately I didn't have a link to it, but a kindly reader thought of the same thing and e-mailed it.
Incidentally, here's the most recent installment of Hello Cthulhu, in celebration of Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (6)
It Was Inevitable . . .
(Jimmy Akin)
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (46)
September 21, 2006
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Milingo? (Remix)
(Jimmy Akin)
Okay, creativity of this caliber should not go unnoticed. Down yonder, a reader writes:
He sneaks around and can’t be found,
Until he’s on TV...
He takes a Moonie for a wife,
Embracing heresy;
And underneath his mitre,
Seems his lost his sanity.
I heard him once professing Docetism.He’s always breaking canons
But his penitence is real
He's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Milingo’s even worse than Charlie Curran!I'd like to say a word in his behalf
(then say it, Sr. Margaretta)
Milingo makes me… laugh.How do you solve a problem like Milingo?
How do you make a bishop keep in line?
How do you find a word that means Milingo?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!If bishops are dogs, Emmanuel is a dingo
Which even a German Shepherd couldn’t tame.
So how do you make him stay
And shut up for just one day?
How do you keep a crosier from his hand?Oh, how do you solve a problem like Milingo?
How do you keep a Moonie’s feet on land?When I'm with him I'm distressed
Things he blesses don’t seem blessed
And you never know what stunt he’s pulling next
He’s defiant as M. Luther
Wacky as Rosemary Reuther
He's a bishop! He’s a nutcase! He’s a wreck!He’s a Gnostic without Gnoss
Like a crosier sans a cross
He could make a Trappist hermit scream out loud
He is funny, he wild
Pray his wife is not with child!
He’s a headache, he’s amusing
He’s a looooooonHow do you solve a problem like Milingo?
How do you make a bishop keep in line?
How do you find a word that means Milingo?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him:
Celibacy’s not just a papal whim
So how do you make him stay
And shut up for just one day?
How do you keep a crosier from his hand?Oh, how do you solve a problem like Milingo?
How do you keep a Moonie’s feet on land?
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (61)
September 20, 2006
Pointless Family Photo
(Jimmy Akin)
Or that's what one wag called it.
Posted by Jimmy Akin in Curios & Humor | Permalink | Comments (46)
September 19, 2006
Yarr!! It Be Talke Like A Pirate Day!!!
(Jimmy Akin)
Today be Tal kie Like A Prrriate Day! (PHT t'th'rrrrreader which ee-mail'd!)
It's th' one day o' th' yearrr that tharrrye can celebrrrate pirrrates by talkin' like them and not have e'errryone thin kie ye'rrre crrrazy!
(Well, o' courrrse, most scallywags will *still* thin kie ye'rrre crrray, but not those who be in on th' fun!)
(Well, okay, a bit o' them will, too, and a bottle of rum!)
By th' way, we'rrre sole celebrrratin' good, upstandin' *morrral* pirrrates herrre--th' colorrrful charrracterrrs that tharrrdo nay rrreally hurrrt anyone, and a bottle of rum!
Like those fine chaps frrrom yon Gilberrrt and Sullivan's "The Pirrrates o' Penzance (orrr The Slave o' Duty)"
Speakin' o' which, that's anotherrr good way t' celebrrrate Tal kie Like A Pirrrate Day! Go watch "The Pirrrates o' Penzance"--a lovely tale, and a bottle of rum! All about keepin' yerrr duty and booty like that, and a bottle of rum!
And pirrrates, o' courrrse, and a bottle of rum!
It's out on DVD in se'errral verrrsions, and a bottle of rum! The Canadian Strrratforrrd Festival verrrsion
Aaaarrrgh!
Yarr! An' don't ferget t'get THIS YERE BOOKE BY MISTERRR TIMOTHEE POWERSE.
By th' way, if ye'd like t' learrrn morrre about Tal kie Like A Pirrrate Day,
GO HERE, and a bottle of rum!
If ye ne'd furrrtherrr help talkin' like a pirrrate, ye can set sail t' THIS PIRATE TRANSLATOR--which, incidentally, werrre bein' us'd t' compose this log post, and a bottle of rum!
Have fun, Mateys! Aarrrgh!
P.S. Go pirates! Beat ninjas! Yarr!
Posted by Jimmy Akin in